Category Archives: dieting

50th birthday, Blog posts, dieting, WeightWatchers

Watching the clock of the eBay, seeing my cash roll away

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I’ve just had my first eBay experience.

As a seller that is; not as a buyer. No, I pushed the boat out on that one way back in 2005 when I bought a pedometer.

I was given feedback after the exchange of a heady £4.92 as: “One of the best buyers!! Thank you! Thank You! Thank You!”.

I slept well after that, knowing that someone in the ether had used five exclamation marks with reference to me.

For the first time last week I decided to sell; tops that no longer fitted me thanks to the eat-and-drink-what-you-want-on-Friday-night-and-Saturday-and-Sunday-but-pull-out-all-the-stops-before-weigh-in-on-Tuesday-night-then-buy-a-bottle-of-wine-on-the-way-home-diet. It’s worked quite well to be honest. One stone and 8lb-ish well so far.

So a week last Saturday I burrowed into my wardrobe; unwanted clothes were flipped over my shoulder and onto the bed faster than a dog digging up a favourite bone ….. Six hours later I was taking photographs. Cor blimey, my clothes had NO personality. Trying to get them to pose in an attractive, alluring ‘you-know-you-want-me-look’ was pointless. And as for descriptions … Embellished with beads? I’ll give you bloody beads; and geometric designs; and silky-feel and snug and warm; and thanks for looking; and selling because of weight-loss. Maybe a charity shop could have been easier, less selfish and I wouldn’t have needed a thesaurus.

But it would all be worth it. I’d have a little extra cash to buy something for my birthday (50th, I know I’ve told you … this Sunday in fact.)

I clicked a button; my things were uploaded and up for sale. Then I suddenly became the most boring person in the world for seven days (ok ok, some people who know me may extend that timeframe).

I watched; I counted-down; I prayed someone would want my things. I was slighted when two days, then three then four went past and no-one had put a bet on. Nooo. Said t’other half; it’s a bid. Well whatever it was, it wasn’t happening to me. Did I have terrible taste? I felt sorry for my unwanted things, even at only 99p starting price and £2.50 postage and packing. Even a silky-feel wasn’t enough verbal embellishment to encourage a bet.

But then it happened five days in and I HAD BETS. (nooooo…. said t’other half BIDS). I was £3 up. £3!!! This was great. What would I buy. Wow four hours later I had £6.72! The betting had gone into overdrive. “BIDDING,  BIDDING’ (exasperated t’other half exits right to kitchen for can of Murphy’s).

Talk about addicted … I watched the countdown to one item and in the last few seconds the sale went up by 50p. I was ecstatic. People were stumbling over themselves to pay an extra 50p in the dying moments of betting (*****B-I-D-D-I-N-G***** grrrrr) to buy something that was bead-embellished. So at the end of that I was up £30.34. Howzabout that then boys and girls.

But then panic set in. How do I post them. I haven’t got anything to post them in. And wrap them? I haven’t got bubble wrap or brown paper or bags or postage labels.  The latter seemed easy to sort out. There was a link on eBay to click through to print postage labels and … yup, I’ll click on this Royal Mail link… what size parcel… this? OK. ooops I didn’t mean to REALLY press. Shit. I’ve just paid £4.41 for postage on something that should have been £2.75. I won’t do that again. At least I’m still about £26 up. I’ll be able to treat myself.

I’d better go to the post office and buy some of those plastic postage bags. Oh. No postage bags, I’ll get these little Jiffy bags. Yes, quite a few. Of course things will fit in them. That’s £7 please Madam …. OK. here you are … right, no prob, I’m still about £20 up and the postage will work out a little bit cheaper  than I quoted people. So I’m still on target for a little birthday treat.

Nope …the Jiffy bags are useless. I’ll have to buy some of those little plastic postage bags after all. (Next day, lunchtime: There you are madam. And bubble wrap too? That’s £10.15 madam. Thank-you).

Well, stay positive. You can get a nice bottle of wine for a tenner.

So, at last. This afternoon,  in the pouring rain,  I threw the car in the closest parking space to the post office and  posted all my items. I was happy. Tickety-boo. I’d learnt a few lessons, but I’d still made a little money, despite being bloody hopeless. I’ll go and buy that wine next. Perhaps I might stretch to some sparklie?

I ran through the deluge and back to the car, jumping in faster than a German in a hotel reception queue. What’s this? What’s this on my windscreen? I’ve only been gone 10 minutes.

Bloody hell. A parking ticket.

Yes madam. That’s £35 please.

Ah yes; just the ticket! There goes the wine ...
Ah yes; just the ticket! There goes the wine …
Blog posts, dieting, WeightWatchers

Dieting tips … WeightWatchers, a pedometer and tweeting your way to success

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I think I should buy shares in WeightWatchers.

Mind you, saying that, I should also buy shares in Carling, Gordon’s Gin and anything white, red or inbetween.

Which may be part of the problem. However. Moving on.

This year I joined WeightWatchers for the 752nd time. Ok, not really, but I reckon it must be the 4th or 5th. I get weighed on a Tuesday teatime and I eat for England on a Tuesday night.

I think I’ve done every diet going, apart perhaps from the cabbage diet, and I can imagine there is probably alot of ‘going’ with that one.

Atkins. Which makes your breath smell. That red/green one which made me blue, as I couldn’t understand it. Rosemary Conley with all the little-girlie-keepie-fit exercises at the end.

WeightWatchers is the easiest; and to be honest has provided me with the most fun. In one of my membership incarnations the meetings were held in a room above a pub in Bolton. Well, that was like nectar to a bee as far as me and my pals were concerned. We’d get there early for the weigh-in, nip down to the bar, bring up two pints each and natter while the rest of the ladies (and one gent) ummed and aahed about where they slipped up.

I   had terrible hangovers the next day, which always tickled my journo colleagues. I couldn’t even slim without getting hammered. Actually, that was very true. I couldn’t even slim! Eventually we were told we couldn’t drink in the meetings as “we were a bad influence”. Barred from drinking, in a pub. I ask you.

But this year I’ve had to knuckle down as I’ve put on more weight than ever before, mainly due to being on sick leave such a long time at the beginning of the year and having no energy to do anything. Except increase in girth.

But you’ll be pleased to know that so far I’ve lost a stone. I think it may have fallen down the back of the settee, but I’ve pulled the furniture out and still can’t find it.

As I’ve been going along I’ve been tweeting my dieting and get-healthy tips. And they have obviously been so succesful that I thought I’d find some of those tweets and share them with you. Here goes.

Dieting and getting fit the claretsgirl way:

  • Make sure you do alot of wees before you get weighed; preferably in a room set aside specifically for the function
  • If red wine manages to blur the memory of what you eat at a barbecue, then luckily you don’t have to count up the calories
  • The word ‘pie’ only has three letters so is a lot better for you than ‘pie and chips’ which has 11.

    A pie is much better for you than pie and chips
    A pie is much better for you than pie and chips
  • If you eat one of your dad’s chips when he’s not looking then they become invisible calories so therefore don’t count
  • If you watch The One Show you will burn loads of calories by constantly tapping the remote trying to find something better
  • Girls. The quicker you drink wine, the more an arm (lifting glass) and lips (sipping) need to move. So more calories are used
  • Girls. If you drink red wine while reclining on the settee there’s no way it will find it’s way to your hips. Same for crisps.
  • 90 mins ironing = one very large glass of red
  • On hangover days your body needs stodge. Opening the fridge salad drawer is an impossibility. You must have Chinese curry. That’s science.
  • Drinking cider and eating cheese and onion crisps provides fruit and protein in one sitting
  • Dieting tip: DON’T DRINK
  • If you have a gulp of water before a gulp of red wine, the alcohol can hide from the internal calorie-counting antibody police
  • Save your calories for lager when there’s a big match on
  • It’s ok to have a chocolate cream eclair and glass(es) of wine and crisps as it gets dark as you can’t see the calories to count them
  • Try a procrastination diet and eat today what you might not eat tomorrow
  • If the footie’s on, stuff the diet. Repeat as necessary on Saturdays and Sundays.

    Me, claretsgirl ... I am what I eat
    Me, claretsgirl ... I am what I eat
  • You are what you eat. I’m often a lightly battered cod. Only slightly crusty round the edges.
  • Calories don’t count if someone else has done the cooking
  • If you join a salsa class, remember you don’t need to take your own tomatoes
  • Jogging. There’s a thing. And a thing it will remain
  • Drop your pedometer a few times to register steps, taking you nearer to your ‘healthy treat’ each day. Without moving an inch.
  • 1000 steps on a pedometer cancels out calories of a glass of wine. So Ive taken to sitting down and stamping my feet. Easier.
  • Use your pedometer to check how many times you walk to the bar. Reward your healthiness with a double gin.
  • Finally … tapping out just over 800 words on a blog uses one calorie per letter. This allows you to have a mediumy-large-go-on-make-it-a-bit-larger glass of Chardonnay.
    Cheers!!